Let Me Help You, Little Lady

When I was younger, I always thought it was the gentlemanly thing to do to open the car door or pull out a chair for a lady. But, people said those types of things were demeaning and sexist. Fair enough, I suppose. I see the point. So I stopped.

But, to this day, I still put the toilet seat down. And, I have yet to hear one woman complain.

Chivalry is not yet dead.

Songs They Should Know

So, I have this can fully filled with worms, and I am about to open it….

As you probably know, my lovely and talented wife is Lynn Kowal (www.curlygirl.com) She has a Rhapsody playlist filled with new music, what the kids are listening to. Modern stuff. It’s all great music. Imagine Dragons. Lorde. There’s both a Daft and a Punk involved. There’s a Muse. Pharrell and his hat. I don’t know. When she takes the kids to school, this is what they listen to.

And, I applaud. It’s all great stuff. I’m sure.

But, I’m old school. When I drive, we jam to classics. Because, I won’t get fooled again. (non-sequiter.)

Here’s where you come in. Also, coming into focus is the can containing the aforementioned worms.

What are the 200 MOST essential songs a child of the 20’teens needs to know? You, my dear blogger friends, are the most knowledgeable and physically attractive group of people I know.

For the record, I’m not looking for Cole Porter or Oscar Hammerstein. (They are more than worthy, but, let’s keep to the rock and/or roll.)

I’m up for anything from Black Flag to Elvis Costello to Lou Reed to Joni Mitchell. Also, to anyone who actually has songs on the radio.

Inundate me. Be gentle. Essential.

Dude, Where’s My Car?

Has this ever happened to you? You’re driving down the street. Then, suddenly, you panic. “Did I leave my keys at home?!” Frantically, you start pouring through your mind. All the while you are driving. In a car. Down the street.

“Where did I see them last? The table? My other jacket?! The Red Lobster?”

Driving a car. Actually, driving. A car. The street. “Where the Hell…?”

Oh yeah….. Driving.

Welcome to my Monday morning.

Two Weeks Out

Awesome! Only two weeks after shoulder surgery, I’m playing tennis, shooting hoops, and playing golf. I mean, here’s me pitching in the Baseball Playoffs last night!

D.  Otero.  Dan or Darren, whtaever.  Go A's!

D. Otero. Dan. or Darren, whatever. Typo. Go A’s!

3-up, 3-down. And I saw it all on TV.

Quantum physics rocks.

Because living with your arm in a sling, and typing with one hand is, what’s the word…. Awesome!

(Doing better, by the way.)

Shut Her Down

Here’s why I actually like the government shutdown:

– I have no intention of walking on the moon.

– I won’t get cervical cancer. And, probably not the ovarian kind, either.

– I don’t go to the Museum or the Symphony or other places like that. Not a fan of Art in general.

– Parks? Have you seen the squirrels in my backyard? Plenty enough.

– The roads are fine. Just avoid the potholes and bridge collapses.

– Congress is still funded, so we are certainly getting our dollar’s worth there.

– My kids are already in “real” school, so no need for Head Start programs.

– My mini-van gets 17 MPG! That’s plenty. Global Whatting?

– I run a hedge fund. Already bailed out.

– My cable service sucks, but I can’t quite pin that one on Washington. Though, I’ll try.

– I don’t need the Internet. That’s what YouTube is for.

– Meals for poor kids? Get a job, 5-year-old.

– Polio is due for a comeback. Where have ya been, Polio?

– Coal miners… You really don’t need OSHA. Your mine is fine. The guy on top of the ground told me so.

– Government lawyers. That says it all.

– FAA, TSA, NSA, CIA and other three-lettered agencies that end in A. We’ll be fine. Once you find the Unabomber.

I could go on. But you see how much money I am saving by this shutdown. So, I really can’t complain. (Though I’m not sure about my cervix. Not even sure what that is.)