Celsius V. Fahrenheit. Tha Final Smack Down.

I’m going to go political here. And I will catch hell for it.

I am a firm believer in the Fahrenheit scale. When it comes to daily atmospheric temperatures, it is far superior to the Celsius scale.

Now, why would I go crazy anti-science-y all of a sudden? Yes, Celsius is the perfect scale to measure science-ish stuff: Water freezes at 0 and boils at 100.  Life on earth requires water.  So, yeah,  Celsius.  Water.  Naturally.

But, we live in a post-science era, where it doesn’t matter what a fact is if it doesn’t “feel” like a fact.  This what my politicians are telling me.

And, that is why I love the Fahrenheit scale. Because, it Feels right. And when I say “feel,” I don’t mean in some abstract emotional sense. But how a temperature “feels” on my skin.

For most people, the range of 0 to 100 is the range they will mostly exist in. (Your last Geometry test, for example.) When it comes to temperature, there is nothing more secure in the (emotional) feeling that there is a low-point (0˚) and a high point (100˚). Anything beyond those parameters yields a warning from your favorite weathercaster. (Extreme Heat Advisory).

Talk to me about water boiling at 100˚. Ok. How many people have ever suffered through a 100˚ Celsius heat wave and lived to tell the tale? Human experience has a limit of 100. Anything more (other than a few degrees) becomes theoretical. Burn your finger on the stove? How hot? I dunno, Hot. Licked some dry ice? How cold? I dunno. Cold.

So, the beauty of Fahrenheit is that it expresses a range of the coldest a human is likely to experience and the highest they will experience. Outliers exist for sure (International Falls, Minnesota. Death Valley, California). But, when you go beyond the 0˚ and the 100˚ you know that you are experiencing something extraordinary, something regular folk don’t experience.

For all my Celsius fans, tell me how excited you get when it’s 38˚C or it’s -6˚C with a high of -2˚C. People spend months of their lives hoping the temperature will get above 0˚. They live in the negatives.

I believe in being positive. I will always be positive. I am an American, for crying out loud. So, foreigners, your “0” is not zero. And, 100 is the top of the scale. Nothing better than 100.

And, I will give America 100% when I am elected President.

Make America Fahrenheit Again.

(Voice in my head: Ummm… We always were Fahrenheit…

Me: Shut up.)