Your Erection and You… and Your Wife’s Right Hip.

[Editor’s note:  This has been sitting in my ‘Definitely not approved” folder for about 5 years.  Someone gave the green light.  I don’t know why.]

We’re all adults here, right?

They happen. You know, the thing from the subject line above. Don’t make me say it again.

Sometimes they are planned… Usually unplanned… Occasionally, medically-induced.

They’re all good… Well, often. (Honestly, some are better than others.)

So… I had me one of them the other night. It was not quite like a “I shall lay ruin to the entire Amazon Empire” type of one. More like a: “Dude it’s one o’clock. Anything going on? ‘sup?”

My reply: “Well, what’s going on is that it is the middle of the night. I’m asleep. Who invited you? Where were you two hours ago when I could have used you? And, now you show up?”

This is common. So, in the middle of the night, a guy is faced with two options: Commit or Ignore.

In youth, “committing” to this is pretty simple. Doesn’t take much. Trust me.  Tissues.

As an actual grown-up adult, though, I hate to describe these appearances as a “nuisance.” Because at my age….

But, sincerely, Dude, I really need my sleep so I can make it to the meeting at 8:00 a.m.   It’s 5:35..   You’re not helping.

It doesn’t matter. “Where’s the party? ‘sup, Bro? Let’s get some.”

Me: Party? Get some? It’s much more complicated than that. Sleeping wife. Not now. ‘Bro.’

‘Just so you know, I’m planning to be around for a while.’

By the way, Bullshit to the four hour Viagra warnings. They sometimes last exactly: All. Night. Long. All night. (“Long” is how I kid myself. Self-delusion.)

For this discussion, let’s assume you have a sleeping buddy. For me, she is a “she.” Your mileage may vary.

There is always the matter of etiquette. And probably, liability. But, she has a hip.  Her right hip.  And a 1:00 a.m. snuggle/grind with a close friend is always nice.  Also, there might be a boob squeeze.

Again, check with your lawyer first. Consent is the key.

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