Can someone explain this whole college-football-player made-up dying-girlfriend news-storm thing to me? I don’t get it.

I don’t follow college football, much less Notre Dame. But, apparently, AFTER the season was over, this story has somehow become major news, because… why, exactly?

Why is this news?!

I mean, I’ve been writing about my fictional beautiful “wife” and my hilarious “daughters” and the funny things they “say” and “do” as part of this here blog. There’s a “hot tub” and vacations in “Vegas” and “mingling” with celebrities.

Why isn’t Anderson Cooper banging on my door? Is it because I won’t be drafted in the First Round. [Or, honestly, the Last Round (too old, bad back, bad heart, etc., and I don’t play football)?]

By the way, I was duped. Online. Or, something. I’m so gullible.

Where the Hell is Oprah? I need to confess. If it will help, I’ll admit to steroids. Because, why not?

Signed,
Darren Oter’o