Snuggling down with Julianna, the eight-year-old…
J: Daddy, you’re the best Daddy I’ve ever had.
Me: Thank you, Honey… But, exactly, how many Daddies have you ever had?
J: Just you.
Me: So, if I’m your Best Daddy, that means I’m also…
J: Uh… The fattest Daddy I’ve ever had.
Me: You’re not following my logic. If I’m the Best Daddy, and the ONLY Daddy, then I’m also…
J: You’re also the stupidest.
Me: Thank you for that. You’re losing me. Hold on…
J: You’re the dumbest Daddy…?
Me: You know you were adopted. Not only the Best Daddy….
Tears start to fall.
J: You’re the Worst Daddy Ever.
Me: Finally. You see my point….
Me: But, just kidding, Dear. Seriously. Just kidding. Not adopted…. Oh, crap, what have I done?
(By the way, adoption is an absolutely wonderful thing. I know a number of adoptive parents. They totally rock. Adopting is the best thing people in a society can do. Absolutely. But, in this case, I went for the easy joke to make my child cry. Horrible parenting, I know.)
Future psychotherapy available here. In a couple of years.