Here’s why I actually like the government shutdown:

– I have no intention of walking on the moon.

– I won’t get cervical cancer. And, probably not the ovarian kind, either.

– I don’t go to the Museum or the Symphony or other places like that. Not a fan of Art in general.

– Parks? Have you seen the squirrels in my backyard? Plenty enough.

– The roads are fine. Just avoid the potholes and bridge collapses.

– Congress is still funded, so we are certainly getting our dollar’s worth there.

– My kids are already in “real” school, so no need for Head Start programs.

– My mini-van gets 17 MPG! That’s plenty. Global Whatting?

– I run a hedge fund. Already bailed out.

– My cable service sucks, but I can’t quite pin that one on Washington. Though, I’ll try.

– I don’t need the Internet. That’s what YouTube is for.

– Meals for poor kids? Get a job, 5-year-old.

– Polio is due for a comeback. Where have ya been, Polio?

– Coal miners… You really don’t need OSHA. Your mine is fine. The guy on top of the ground told me so.

– Government lawyers. That says it all.

– FAA, TSA, NSA, CIA and other three-lettered agencies that end in A. We’ll be fine. Once you find the Unabomber.

I could go on. But you see how much money I am saving by this shutdown. So, I really can’t complain. (Though I’m not sure about my cervix. Not even sure what that is.)