Ok. Everyone wants to hear the “Space Aliens” story. Part of the Non-Fiction Fiction series. (Totally Fiction, by the way.)
These are stories I tell my daughters on the way school. I have a half-hour, and I don’t have an editor, so I don’t know where this is going.
So… I’m on top of Mount Everest. And, I’m hunting Grizzly Bears. With an axe. Because that’s what you do on Mount Everest. You hunt. With an axe. I guess. (Work with me. I’m making it up as I go.)
Suddenly, out of the sky a space craft appears.
Me: Must be aliens. I hope they don’t abduct me.
Bam! I am abducted.
They want to know what what we eat.
Seriously? Not our history? Not our accomplishments? Not out climate?…. Really? Food?
They order Dominoes. Because, their cell phones are much better than Verizon. From space!
30 minutes or less? 19 minutes!
So, I head out in a space suit to get the pizza, but I have trouble with the whole life-support system. You know, oxygen and carbon dioxide. Stuff like that.
I tip the guy 10 percent. (Am I too cheap? You know, outer space. Shoulda been 20)
I am totally making this up on the fly. On the way to school. And I bang my head on the side of the capsule.
Then I realize… No one fed the Grizzly Bear…
No one fed the bear!!
Crap! He’s hungry!
Did I tell you about the time I wrestled a grizzly bear?…
Ok… so the bear was hungry….. And, then…
Sorry girls. Drop off time.
(I know, I’m a bad Daddy.)