Ready for Her Close-up

After dropping off Isabella (she’s 7) at Gymnastics, Julianna (9) and I walk the three blocks to the Glendale Galleria to: a) kill time, and b) get shampoo from Target. And, maybe c) a Wetzel’s Pretzel.

On the way, we cut-through the Home Goods store. I stop to check out the pans. My 10-incher doesn’t perform like it used to. (Oh please, People! Get your mind out of the Gutter! I run a respectable blog here!..)

Anyway, an attractive young woman approaches and begins asking me a bunch of questions, mostly about Julianna. She says that Julianna could be a Star!

Now, my Bullshit Detector is activated whenever ANY attractive young woman starts chatting me up in household furnishings. Usually, she is after my wallet, or my body. (Either one will disappoint.) And, now, she’s bringing my daughter into this? Creepy.

After about 2 minutes of chit-chat, Shellyie* (*name changed from some other horrific misspelling) has invited Julianna to a non-defined “On-Camera Audition!” tomorrow.

I take the lady’s pamphlet, and amble on.

Lynn (aka Mommy) and I work in Hollywood, but our girls really don’t understand the concept of “Hollywood.” Julianna knows that she lives in North Hollywood, and that Hollywood consists of a few stops on the Red Line subway.

A Daddy/Daughter Teaching Moment lays ahead.

Me (to J): Honey, when you live where we live, people will promise you things and then steal your stuff.

J: Isabella took my hair tails!

Me: Not what I mean.

She’s puzzled.

Me: That lady said she wants to make you a TV Star. But really, she just wants our money.

J: I have stage fright. And, there’s a Black Hole in the center of the Galaxy! Science!

Me: You understand.

So, we make our way to the famed Galleria, and set up shop in the Food Court eating our third-rate Chicken Teriyaki (“It was good on the toothpick.”)

When, it turns out that a Second attractive young woman at the table next to us comments on J’s sparkly headband.

She: You are adorable! Dad, we are having an “On-Camera Audition” tomorrow.

Holy Crap! Two casting people randomly want my daughter in their Movie! What are the odds?! We’ll be Rich Beyond Belief!

Bullshit Detector at 10.

Me: Yeah, Shellyie already let us know.

2nd Young Woman (slightly disappointed): Shellyie is a “Rock Star!”

She leaves us alone.

So, Julianna and I finish our lunch, and we head off to Target.

Wouldn’t you know it, along the way: We are stopped by Attractive Young Woman Number Three.

#3: Excuse me… She’s gorgeous! Are you her father?

Me: Dude, I’ve already been hit-up twice already.

#3 (sheepishly): Ok….

So, after ignoring this ridiculousness until I get home, I check the “invitation” that Shellyie gave me:

Here’s the Don’t Sue Us verbage: “This is not an audition for employment or for obtaining a talent agent or talent management.”

It is only an event for people with an interest in “talent services.” Whatever the Hell that means. But, it will probably cost you tons of money before you realize that you are getting ripped.

I really hate to give advice on this Daddy/Daughter bloggy thingy I have. But, if you are interested in Hollywood dreams, don’t take a card from the pretty blonde in front of the Chipotle’s at the mall.

(By the way, I am also suspicious whenever an attractive, middle-aged woman approaches and asks me about my pans.)

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