FU

Julianna (she’s 10, calling from a distant room): Daaaddyyy… How do you spell “Furnace? Or the video game monster will kill me!”

Me: Monster?

Isabella (7): Daddy, can I tell her? I know how to spell it!

Me: Really, you do? I don’t think so…

Iz: F-U..

Me: Ok, I guess I had that coming. How old are you?

Iz: 7. No, Daddy… F-u-n… No, wait.

Me: Oh, this will be Fun.

Iz: Daddy! Stop! Furcsace. No. Funscaser. Wait. Furcnsae.

Me (shouting Letters of encouragement: Furn…)

Iz: Fcnrseae.

J: Quick! I need to know!

Wha-Wha…. You’ve been eaten.

J: Daddy, this is all your fault.

Iz: Yeah, Daddy! Your fault.

Me: You never asked me how to spell “fir-ness,” the quality of a fir tree.

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