I’m not a scientist, but global warming is a hoax.

I’m not an economist, but Trickle Down brings wealth to everyone.

I’m not a crime expert, but Second Amendment.

I’m not an ecologist, but chopping these trees won’t change the environment.

I’m not a doctor, but anyone from Africa needs to be quarantined.

I’m not an evolutionist, but dinosaurs and people foraged together 6,000 years ago.

I’m not illegal, but hablo español. Un poquito.

I’m not gay, but that invites demons.

I’m not a woman, but my uterus is state property. Also, I have a nice ass.

I’m not poor, so fuck ’em.

I’m not your father. From now on, you are called “Luke.”

— Cordially yours, D. Vader.