Hot Water Heater. A Pleonasm* (note the asterisk, see below). Part I.

You know how sometimes, you’re standing in your kitchen at 11:00 at night, and you hear gentle raindrops falling. Then you remember, it’s not supposed to rain tonight. So, you open the door and look out at the beautiful nighttime sky. And you see the moon. And Venus. And even, if you squint hard enough, you can make out Jupiter. There’s not a cloud in the sky.

So, you close the door, and yet, you still hear the drip, drip of water.

Crap.

So you (and when I say “you,” of course I mean “I”)… So you open up the closet that holds the water heater. And, there’s the source of your “rainfall.” A rusted out unit. Drip, drip, dripping.

Because, come on, how often do you check your water heater for rust?

Because, come on, how often do you check your water heater for rust?

And, it’s 11:00 at night.

So you do what you’re supposed to do: First thing, you wake up your wife. Because, we’re in this together, baby.

OK, so buckets and towels. You turn off the gas pilot light, and shut-off the water intake valve. You attach a hose to the drain (there’s another hilarious slapstick comedy* moment) and open it.

And, nothing drains. Because when you try to let air into the tank, you realize that the shut-off valve is broken. And water starts spraying everywhere.

Did I mention: Crap. And, you’re dog tired.

So, you seal up all the connections and put the buckets under the tank. And, you plan to call the plumber in the morning. Because, there’s nothing you can do about it now.

And, now the plumber is here. Part II of this story will follow. I know you can’t wait. (Neither can I. I need a shower.)

*A Pleonasm is the use of more words than necessary to define something. Like, a hot water heater (you’re not heating hot water). A burning fire. A free gift. A true fact. And, “slapstick comedy.” (Have you ever heard of a slapstick melodrama?) See… Reading this blog will make you intelligently smart.

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