So, Isabella (she’s 10) is taking July off from gymnastics to heal up her knees, but the coach wants her to keep conditioning. Today’s task is to do 300 crunches. She demonstrates. I stop her after about five.

Me: Honey, those are not crunches.

Iz: Yes they are.

Me: No, that’s like me trying to get out of bed. And it takes me a good while.

Iz: Then, why are you so fat?

Me: Like, I said. Not exercise. Because, if it were, I’d have double six packs, instead of a keg.