I Don’t Bless the Sneeze

Achoo… and God.
I was at a concert when I had a sneezing fit. In the middle of Schubert, I ka-chooed. Not once but thrice. The lady behind me knee-jerked: God Bless You after each sneeze. I did not thank her (as most people would do.)
I heard a huff…
Now, I’m not a natural born attention-getter, what with my smarts, natural good looks, charming personality, and artistic flair. So be it, America. I don’t seek attention.
Attention seeks me.
But, when I sneeze, I don’t need more attention being drawn to my possibly contagious affliction. (It was just pollen, by the way.)
Please, don’t God Bless Me when I sneeze. It’s one of the pet peeves that really gets under my skin. I assure you, Zeus doesn’t care. (That’s the right God, right?)
Corollary, please, please, don’t get offended when I don’t God Bless You when You sneeze.
I was in the checkout line at the Ralphs supermarket (no apostrophe needed) the other day. The lady in front of me loading her yogurt and celery and cat food and whatnot on the conveyor belt. She sneezed.
She looked at me like, are you going to say something?
And, I was like: Nope. That’s between you and Jehovah or Archimedes. I just need these bagels rung up ASAP. Are you contagious? ’cause, that would be nice to know.

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