Isabella (walking into the kitchen): Daddy, did you get my milk yet?!

Me: Honey, I’m trying to cook. Keep your pants on!

Iz: But, Daddy. I’m wearing a skirt.

Me: Come on, Honey! It’s an expression. Like “Hold your water.”

Iz: But, I wanted milk.

Me: Crap. Sweetie. Hold your horses.

Iz: (blink)

Me: Pumpkin, do you know what an expression is?

Iz: No. I’m only five.

Me: (Heavy sigh.)

Iz: What’s a ‘spression?

Me: Honey, how long have you lived in this family?

Iz: Maybe you didn’t hear. I’m five. ’cause of all the yelling.

Me: Grrr…. Bubbles, in this family, we try to use as many words as possible to say something simple. Why say “wait” when you can yell from three rooms away, on the verge of tears, and dialing your therapist, “I’m doing the best I can, and you’ll get it when it is done.” These are called “expressions.” We are trying to keep the English language alive.

Iz: Daddy…

Me: Yes, Pup?

Iz: Get a grip.

Me: Get a what?

Iz: Yeah, I don’t know what means either. I’m only five. Hahahaha!