Get Off My Back!

It’s barely 7am, and already I have two little girls climbing on me as if my name were Jim. Jungle Jim.

Isabella (she’s 6): Hahaha! Wake up! Wake up!

Me: Ow! That hurts!

Julianna (8): Daddy, you’re a big baby!

Me: No. Ow. That hurts.

J: Baby.

I don’t know where she gets the sarcasm…

Me: Why don’t you jump on Mommy like this?

J: Because, you’re mostly calmer than Mommy.

Me: I’m calmer? Are you not listening to me yell? OW!

Iz: Yeah… You’re calmer.

Me: But, you know this hurts me. My back. My tummy. My spleen.

J: It’s easier to hurt Daddy than Mommy. And, funner.

Iz: Yes… Easier.

Me: Easier? Funner? Because… Why?

J: Daddies have that area…

Iz: His butt?

J: No… The other side. (Wide-grinned smile.)

Iz: Oh! The other side. (Wide-grinned smile.)

Me: Could we not talk about this right now? Please, get off my back! And, please stop kicking my “other side!”

Did I mention, Ow? 7am. Good morning.