Fields of Flat

Family night the other night had us watching “The Gabby Douglas Story” about the US gymnast who took a couple of gold medals at the 2012 Olympics. It’s a Lifetime TV movie, so there’s that. (Expect lots of exclamation points.)

On screen, Gabby and her mother have a bit of dialogue. (I don’t have a script, so I’m paraphrasing. But, it was pretty much like this the whole way through.)

Gabby (upset): Mommy! I finished in 16th place! I have to go to Iowa to train with Coach Liang Chow!

Gabby’s mother: Honey! Iowa is a long way from here!

Gabby: I don’t care! I’m going! I want to go to the Olympics!


Here’s how the discussion went in our house. (Also, no script. Fewer exclamation points. More sarcasm.)

Isabella (the 8-year-old gymnast): Daddy…

Me: Let me stop you right there.

Isabella: Stop who? Where?

Me: If you ever finish in 16th place, we will happily send you to Iowa.

Iz: So, I can train with Coach Chow?!

Me: No. Because of the shame you will have brought to this family, we will send you to Iowa.

Iz: But, they must have other coaches there, right?

Me: You know what they have in Iowa?

Iz: What?

Me: Flat. They have a whole lot of flat.

Mommy (chiming in): And, Fields of Dreams.

Me: Yeah. Flat and ’90s-era Kevin Costner baseball movies.

Iz: But, what if I win?

Me: What do you mean?

Iz: Well, if I win, then I think YOU should go to Iowa. So, it will be less flat. Because, you know, your belly.

I’ve already spent half the day looking for my baseball glove.

2 thoughts on “Fields of Flat

    • Bug, I’m not sure if you are replying to Me (personally) as being brutal. Or, my darling angel Gymnast as the “Mean One.” Because, that’s how this family rolls. You want to live here? You need a thick skin. (And, as Isabella would say, “Thicker for you, Daddy. ‘cuz… fat.”)

      Let’s see if Coach Chow can match that brutality.

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