Prince of Tides

It’s not even 9am on a Saturday. A Saturday! And I have people yelling at me.

And, by people, I mean 9-year-old Isabella.

I flip on the TV, and it is still on last night’s Science channel. Right now, they are talking about the moon and gravity and tides. (I’m leaving out a lot of nuance here, but you’ll get the idea.)

Iz: Daddy, what are tides.

Me: Well, the earth and moon have gravity, right.

Iz (pissy, bossy): I knooow that.

Me: Well, you don’t know about tides.

Iz: Yes, I do. Because, the moon and the earth have gravity.

Me: I just told you that! You asked me about tides, and I’m trying to explain. Do you know the moon’s gravity affects the earth?

Iz: Of course. It makes the waves. Everybody knows that.

Me: Not exactly.

Iz (ultra-pissy): Yes it does. Tell me something I don’t know.

Me (and, I said this understanding the full ramifications at 8:46 in the morning): Ok, here’s something you don’t know. You won’t get breakfast on this beautiful Saturday morning.

Immediately:

Iz: Noooooooooooooooo!

Tears streaming. Arms flailing. Legs thrashing. The whole 9 yards. (And, then some)

Me: Do you want to hear about gravity?

Iz: No!

Me (pressing on with the lesson-of-the-day): Sometimes the moon’s gravity pulls on the ocean and makes the water come closer to the land. Sometimes, the moon is on the other side of the earth and it pulls the water away from the land. That’s a tide.

Iz: Yeah, I knew that.

Me: Of course you did. Because that’s why you asked me what a “tide” was.

Iz: No I didn’t! Why do you lie?!

Me: Honey, there’s a transcript.

Readers, a transcript.

Me: Do you want Honey Nut Cheerios or waffles?

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