I know you’re all getting tired of my “Oh, My Bad Heart” posts.
But, humor me. You’ll chuckle:
The girls solemnly gather around me as I take hold of the official, and ominously titled Final Surgical Report from the Cedars-Sinai Hospital of Los Angeles. Final? Yikes.
I read aloud while Isabella (she’s five) and Julianna (eight) hold my hands.
Me (reading): “Patient suffers from Coronary Artery Disease blah, blah, blah specifically of the Left Anterior Descending Artery; Excessive arterial plaque build-up ( >90%); Hypertension; Blah blah Lumbar Disease (Lower Back Discs L4-L5, L5-S1); Near-Sightedness (Legally Blind) blah. Renal Disease (Kidney Stones); and is Overweight.”
Me: Nooooooo! Not Overweight!!!
Isabella: I don’t know what that means.
Julianna: It means Daddy is FAT!
Iz: Hahahahaha! Even the doctor says you’re FAT!
Me: Thanks for that.
J: Does it say you’re short, too?
Me (exasperated): No, Honey, it doesn’t mention that…. Oh wait… Hold on… Paragraph 6… “Patient Height: Limited…. ” I expected feet and inches. But, whatever.
Iz: Haha! Does it say you’re old?
(Suddenly, we’re playing a game.)
Me: No, Sweetie. .. Oh. Um, yes. “Older than Siblings: Dirt, the Hills.”
J: Are you ugly?
Me: Go for the throat, why don’t you? It doesn’t say anything…. Wait… Oh: “Appearance: Lacking.”
Iz: And, Stupid?
Me: Why do you go there?… Yes, “Diminished Intelligence.”
J: And your teeth?
Me: “Other than White..”
It goes on like this for what seems like and hour, ending with:
J: Number of toes:
Me: “More than normal.”
Iz: Nose hair:
Me: “More than normal.”
I let the ribbing go on for longer than usual. I’m actually loving it…
Iz: Does it say you’re fat because you’re stupid?
Me: I don’t know. Yeah, probably.
J: Definitely!
I let it go on because they are engaging with me. And a few weeks ago, things might have gone, you know… very differently.
Hug your kids.
If you have no idea what I am talking about, please see my earlier posts: