Julianna, the fifth-grader (she’s 10), and her class are embarking on Ancient Latin and Greek terminology. photo, therm, et cetera, etc. (You see what I did there…)
Julianna is perplexed by the phrase ad nauseam.
J: Daddy, what is “ad naudsumum…” Do I have to get sick? I have to write a sentence with it.
Me: ad nauseam is, like, when your teacher keeps teaching and teaching and teaching until you feel sick! You don’t actually get sick, but you feel like you might.
Julianna lights up and begins to write something. But, she is covering up with her left hand so that I can’t see. Obviously, she is writing about me because I talk, talk, talk.
Then, Isabella (she’s 7) looks at me, gets a devilish look, and whispers to Julianna.
Isabella: Daddy, Julianna finished her assignment!
(She can barely contain herself.)
Julianna (laughing through it all): “My dad farts on and on and on ad nauseam.”
Me: Ok, Honey. Fart. Ha.
Girls: Hahaha, he said “Fart!” Hahahahaha!
Me: Sweetie, because this is actual homework for your teacher(!), can you please change the word “farts” to something else, like “sings.”
J: But “farts” is funnier.
Me: Yes, I know it is, I know. But, please. For your teacher.
Iz: Because you can’t sing either!! Hahaha!
Me: Thank you.
Iz: Also, you’re fat.
[Editor's note: To be fair, if I had this homework assignment when I was 10, my 5th grade teacher Mrs. Ramsay would right now be staring down the barrel of an essay on farts. But, I've raised a slightly-better class of child. Haven't I?]
Here’s the evidence. Note the erasure marks around the “sanitized” version…
Please, don’t throw up.