Snuggling down with Julianna (she’s 8):

J: People don’t actually sleep on nails. Do they?

Me: Well. No, Honey. It’s kind of a circus trick. People don’t really sleep on nails.

J: But, you always scratch my back with your Finger-Nails.

Me: Yes, Honey. I am always happy to scratch your back at bedtime. Different type of nail.

J: I like that.

Me: In fact, I’m somewhat known for my back-scratching nails. I have MAD back-scratching skills. I’m actually rated.

J: Can you sing me a lullaby?

Me: Of course. Twinkle Twinkle?

J: Yes… Just scratch my legs.

Me: Ok. (Scratching. And, singing.) Twinkle, Twinkle….

J: Ow! You have a sharp nail! Daddy! Really, you’re known for this?!

Me: Um. Yes… Sorry? Everyone has an “off” day.

Dissed. Ladies. You be the judge… And by that, I mean the wife, Daughter Number 1, and Daughter Number 2. Any others will need to file an application. The wife will judge your application. The deadline to enter is soon.

(Though, seriously… World-rated.)